Motherhood Interview | April & Morgan

Q: What is your relationship to, or experience around motherhood?

April: I am “Mommy” to our almost 3 year old daughter, who is pure magic. I feel very comfortable in my skin as a mom, and “good” at it, whatever that means…it feels like it comes naturally to me, or it was meant to be, I guess? It certainly has its challenges; it is exhausting both physically and emotionally, but simultaneously amazing and incredibly joyful.

**Q: What is your most treasured possession?**

**April:** My voice. Nobody in my family is a professional musician, but there was always music playing, and everyone was always singing along. In the car, in the house, at my grandparents, at church. At a certain point, I discovered that I was good at it. It’s a gift and has always been something that brought me pride. Now I get to share that with our daughter. It’s been our special ritual, that I’ve sung to her every night since she’s been born, and now she loves to sing.
**Q: Who do you admire?**
**April:** My wife. She isn’t biologically related to our daughter, and she didn’t birth her, but her love for her is beyond. It is an incredible thing.

Q: What do you reach for when you need support? Or what have others offered that you've found to be most supportive?

April: When our daughter was a newborn, I would walk to my parents house and my mom would make me tea and lunch while I held or fed or napped with the baby. It was comforting to be able to just BE with my daughter, while being taken care of by my own mom, in a simple way. Connecting with moms either through a new-mom group or with friends who are experiencing parenthood in similar stages in real-time has been so valuable.

**Q: Is there anything that was or is missing from your support?**
**April:** I wish someone had said how much stress being a new parent would put on your relationship with your partner, especially when you are coming from such different experiences of being parented. It’s difficult to understand each other’s separate experiences of becoming a parent, because you are just sitting in your own ‘stuff’ and it is such an intense time of change! It would have been so helpful to have a postpartum relationship doula of sorts to facilitate that understanding and bring that connectedness back during the first year or two of becoming parents. I guess that’s called a therapist, haha, but someone on a more holistic level.

Q: Do you feel your experience around motherhood has changed you or your perspective on life?

April: My birth experience brought me new perspective in how I approach my work as a Labor & Delivery nurse. As a birthing mom, the importance of your experience is often not acknowledged and the only thing that is stressed by your provider is that a healthy baby is born. While that is of utmost importance, even the delivery of a healthy baby can be traumatic for the mom, causing long-lasting anxiety and PTSD. I try to balance both perspectives, when possible, in order to support a healthy birth for both mom and baby.

**Q: What has been unexpected? Whether welcomed or unwelcome.**
**April:** Before I became a mom, I expected new parent friends to want people to come meet and hold their baby. I found that some of those interactions with my own baby left me feeling extremely anxious, which makes sense, because we created and grew this being inside of us and have already gone through one huge separation when they’re born, as well as this complete mind-body explosion (which nobody talks about) and hormonal shift, and now other people are wanting that connection with your baby, once again separating you. It’s our animal instinct, but we’re made to feel guilty for not sharing that time and space with others. I wish I had done what you did, cocooning yourself and your baby for the fourth trimester.

Q: What music or books have you held close?

April: When I was little, my grandpa used to sing to me and play on his harmonica, the chorus to “You Are My Sunshine.” He passed away with my family and myself, and my baby girl in my 8 month pregnant belly, at his side, passing by to welcome each other to the next step in the circle of life. I know that they would have been best friends and he would have sang her that song like he sang it to me, so I do it for him.

Q: Is there anything you think would be helpful to share with others who may go through a similar experience as yours?

April: There are a variety of ways you can come to be a mom. Make sure the way you do it feels right to you, trust your instincts and feel love all around that decision.