Motherhood Interview | Paola & Rossyo
Paola (stepmom) & Rossyo (mom)
Q: What is your relationship to, or experience around motherhood?
Paola: My personal experience receiving motherhood is experiencing a sense of nurturing and unconditional belonging.
So far my experience around being the mother figure has been mothering other peoples’ children, as their support system. For most of my teens and 20s I was a nanny, and now I am a stepmom. To me, the two roles are very similar. I am a primary caregiver or parental figure that influences them, but I am not the main decision maker. In these supportive roles it has felt important to balance giving my honest advice as a caretaker, without overstepping the intuition and wishes of the primary parents.
Rossyo: Continuous growth, support, challenges and unconditional love. I have an ongoing learning relationship with myself around motherhood - not to mention my relationship with my mother, which continues to teach me so much patience, gratitude and forgiveness. My experience being a mother has been a delicate and fiery adventure. It continues to guide me through Earth with deep and ongoing respect, love, curiosity and admiration towards mothers, motherhood, and parenting in general.
Q: What is your most treasured possession?
Paola: I don’t really have a strong attachment to items - even those I love.
Rossyo: My scrapbooks and photo albums.
Q: Who do you admire?
Paola: I admire anyone who is honest and genuine in who they are.
Rossyo: Paola, very much, and my dad. I admire my kid for having to navigate the universe and livelihood with me as one of three copilots. I admire revolutionaries, philosophers, artists, healers, teachers, my hard working nieces, people living off the grid and teaching their children their own version of life skills and how to be sustainable. Also everyone who is kind, compassionate, creative, helpful, fair, hard-working and dedicated or trying their very best out in the world. I admire us all.
Q: Do you have any favorite pieces of advice you’ve received? Or least favorite unsolicited advice you’ve received?
Paola: To never be too dedicated to an outdated version of yourself.
Rossyo: The African proverb "it takes a village to raise a child" is so on point.
Mr. Amiri, my computer teacher in high school, always said, "Keep love in your heart,” when we would leave his class or upon greeting us, everyday. Even though it's a simple phrase, it has resonated over a decade later to be such an important thing to feel, know, and be, always.
Another gem piece of advice I always got since I was five years old, but seldom took until recently, is "Don't talk too much.”
Least favorite unsolicited advice I get usually still comes from my mom, to be honest.
Q: What do you reach for when you need support? Or what have others offered that you've found to be most supportive?
Paola: I definitely reach out to my friends when I need support. Supportive listening has been the most helpful when I’ve needed support in the past.
Rossyo: Love, time, and food. Good conversations with the ones I love. Sound baths and self-care stuff like yoga or hiking, alone or with close friends or family. Comfort food and cozy environments, flowers, small gifts like jewelry, cards, postcards and letters.
I’m grateful to have, and feel so comfortable, loved and welcome in, both of Isla's homes. I feel that in turn she feels the same. Knowing that as a big family, we all are safe and welcome in either of our homes, is a great support. Having one place that feels like home is already not something that is guaranteed to every living being nowadays, so knowing that my daughter has two pretty decent, loving, trying-their-best homes, is something I do not take for granted. It supports me tremendously with life and motherhood.
Q: Is there anything that was or is missing from your support?
Paola: I wish I had more access to be able to escape into nature when I feel overwhelmed.
Rossyo: Mental and emotional support, understanding, listening and long insightful conversations were lacking in my circle as a little gifted child, and even later in adolescence. I am making up for it now and encouraging my own mom to get support with Isla and me, so we can all be better and give each other what we need. Also more women clubs, art clubs, finance clubs, and athletic clubs. More women-led local support groups need to start popping up again.
Q: Do you feel your experience around motherhood has changed you or your perspective on life?
Paola: It always amazes me how much empathy I have for children I have taken care of and seen grow up. It makes me more compassionate to adults. It has allowed me to more easily connect with adults' inner children.
Rossyo: Without a doubt!
Q: What has been unexpected? Whether welcomed or unwelcome.
Rossyo: Societal norms and pressures not aligning with what I was taught growing up. Things that I was taught growing up not aligning with what I believe now. On the plus side, I never expected to be in such a wonderful and loving co-parenting community and family, but alas, here we are, and I only foresee the love and family growing.
Q: Is there anything you’ve learned that you think might be helpful to share with other blended families?
Paola: To be supportive of each other.
If you enter a relationship with someone with a child or children, you are also entering into a relationship with that child’s other parent. No matter the differences, respect them always and support them as much as possible. Remember that your partner’s past with their coparent is not your past with them. Even if they have conflicts, you do not need to take them on as the new partner.
Rossyo: I am still learning, but I have found that sincerity and honesty go the distance. There is no situation, worry, thought, or question that cannot be worked on, figured out or discussed, if you keep it honest and sincere, and just be you. Ask questions is another tip. I tell Isla this a lot,: ”Even if you think you are a mind reader, when you have a question, ask.” Being considerate of one another, and getting to know each other better on deeper levels, all require time and dedication, but also conversations, exchanges and questions!
Mothers: Paola Guasp & Rossyo Ortiz
Wearing: Cycle Ring, Cycle Bracelet, and Fertility Necklace
Photographer: Keegan Gibbs
Creative Director: Mieka Tennant
Hair & Makeup: Terezka Fras